the wait is going to be over soon

the time unit till the delivery of child has changed from months, to weeks, to days, and now finally, to hours. i am scheduled to be induced into labour tomorrow morning at 9 a.m.

and i am not sure how i should feel. i sure didn't wake up this morning feeling all excited about meeting child tomorrow, about today being the last day of my pregnancy. in fact, i think i'm going to miss feeling child having a rolling good time inside me, and KH touching my bump asking how she's doing. i'm also going to miss the things he did with me while i was pregnant, like going for my gynae visits, to maternity classes and waiting around in Orchard while i attended my pre-natal yoga classes.

today, he even bought a real coconut for me to drink, in preparation for the big day tomorrow. however, he bought an uncut one. he managed to hack the pointy top part off, only to expose more husk and no nut. after struggling for a while on the top part, he decided to try another strategy, to hack the sides instead.

i wonder how intelligent that was, thinking that the sides are even thicker. he even asked me if i can do without the flesh, just take the drink, thinking that he could hack his way through from the sides and milk the coconut water into a mug.

after a good half hour, a lot of sweat and husk lying around, he finally gave up and threw the whole coconut away. to make himself feel better, he said it cost only one buck anyways.

oh yeah, i think i'm going to miss such "pregnancy" antics from KH as well.

the different reactions - zzzZZ

date: 5 june 2007
time: 03:30
location: our bed


this time, KH did wake up. and he even tried to soothe my tummy. however, i was a bit surprised that he said: "child, not tonight okay?"

and i think he just didn't continue saying "cos daddy wants to sleep"...*





______________________________________________________________
*altho' in his defense, KH said he meant that he was trying to tell child to stop moving so that i wouldn't feel so much pain...

the different reactions - zzz

date: 5 june 2007
time: 01:32
location: our bed


i was drifting in and out of sleep while suddenly my tummy started to hurt real bad. it was like sore menstrual cramps, and the pain enveloped my whole belly. i prodded at it, but it didn't feel tight, it felt soft, like an overripe fruit instead.

my back was facing KH, so i had to reach back and grope for him instead. i finally found his hand, tugged at it and said: "dear, i'm in pain, i'm iN PAIIIINNNNN!!!!!!!!"

i stopped to catch my breathe and tried to make myself more comfortable.

he mumbled to ask if i was alright. then, there was a pause. then...

i heard him snore.

i guess being worried about him being too jittery and not being able to find the car was unfounded. haha.

the different reactions - where's my car

date: 30 May 2007
time: 14:12
location: b2 carpark, anchorage point


KH and i just had lunch over at paddy fields. the brouhaha over at the gynae's had shredded my nerves to bits, but still left me with appetite for some thai food.

however, it didn't strike me that KH's nerves were pretty frayed too. i should have noted the signs. firstly, he couldn't decide what to do when we couldn't find a parking space at alexander's village where we originally wanted to lunch. secondly, he couldn't decide what to eat at paddy fields. he was flipping the menu, but i'm not sure if he was even looking at it.

the tell-tale sign really came when we went to the carpark for the car. he couldn't find it. KH always finds the car. and then he started to freak out: "where's my car, WHERE'S MY CARRRR?!?!?!?!". and next: "我明明park這裡的!!!",

while his 39 weeks pregnant wife was standing there with fatigue and the possiblity of labour.

i wanted to suggest maybe we could check the other side of the carpark. i was getting really tired and wanted to tell him my legs were going to break. and also add that if he did not calm down and find the stupid car, i would like to break him as well.

but in anyways, it was actually kind of sweet to know how anxious he is about the whole thing. my usually cool and decisive KH losing it because of me and child. however, it wasn't so comforting to think if he has to send me to the hospital, and him going "where's my car, WHERE'S MY CARRRR?!?!?!?!" in the carpark... ...

the different reactions - this is it

date: 30 may 2007
time: 11:05
location: dr Tham's clinic, Gleneagles


we saw dr Yam for the first time since dr Tham was away, and he seems like a detailed, caring and very hands-on gynae. i had the CTG, an internal examination and a scan done, and he listened very attentively to what i said. which is great, cos likely child can't wait for dr Tham to be back and i'm just as comfortable with him.

i just needed to go to the toilet before i leave. somehow i feel that something is not right down there. and true enough, there was a 10 by 1 cm trail of fresh blood on my panty liner. i let out a gasp. and surprisingly, KH could hear it even though he's in the male's toilet and i'm in the female's.

from the toilet he shouted, "what happened, dear?!" i don't really feel like shouting back from the toilet and have a conversation between toilet doors, so i got done with my business quickly. he came out shortly and started rapping at my door. i went out and told him about my discovery.

we hurried back to the clinic. i had another internal examination, this time with some device. after some delibration, i was finally sent back home with an mc, for observations, just to make sure that it's labour time before i'm admitted.

we started to make some calls (and we were still in the clinic). i called my boss and probably said gibberish, but the bottom line was that i wasn't going to turn up for work. my colleagues called as well as they were expecting me. i probably said the same gibberish with the same bottom line. i'm not sure about KH, but i was shaking all over, thinking this is it, this is it... ...

the best way

the best way to live in harmony is not to have any preconceived ideas about anything if you are not the boss and if you don't own the place.

the best way to live happily is to have expectations and have it carried out without obstruction. and yes, it helps if you own the place.

less than a year ago, i could still do that to 10% of the area i used to bunk in. i bought most of the furniture and call the shots on where they are put. i took pride when people commented that it was a pretty hangout.

now, i don't even have 1% of the room of the place i have to live in. i can't even make decisions on bare necessities, let alone luxurious ones like where to put the changing mat.

the best way to get out of this? earn lotsa money and get my own pad.

the empire strikes back... again!

yesterday evening, my dearest drove me back from the office as usual. slightly before i left, i was trying to figure out something from a meeting i had earlier. it was a number i couldn't quite remember how it was derived.

i was thinking aloud while KH drove. finally, i got pretty annoyed. i growled in frustration, grabbed my hair into 2 ponytails trying to pull them out, and slumped against the window on my side.

at that moment, the car stopped at a junction. eyes not leaving the road, KH extended his left hand, subconciously placed it on my bump and asked in a sing-song manner: "how is my child doing today?"

that's when i realised he was oblivious to my gripes. and he wasn't asking me how the child was doing, he was asking child how she was doing.

boo hoo hoo...

my throne has been usurped

every morning, KH will drive me to work. sometimes, when we stop at one of the junctions, while waiting for the busy traffic to pass, KH will put the car in neutral, take his left hand off the wheel and hold my right. he will then caress my hand while we quietly look at each other and smile. it is just sweet, romantic quality time spent together.

this morning, while waiting at one of the junctions, he extended his left hand as usual. i took the cue and held out my right. but he extended his hand further than usual. and that hand landed on my belly and started to caress the bump instead.

i looked at my empty hand and gave him a look that spelt calamity. he stopped caressing and gave me a look that said oh-shit.

the wait for the traffic seemed longer than usual. i slowly realised her royal majesty is now someone smaller than me. and KH probably wanted to get me to the office as quick as possible and make his great escape.

i have heard a lot of times that when baby comes, the husband will feel left out because all the attention of the wife will be on the child. no more 二人世界 after the arrival of baby. however, after this morning's bummer, i came to the sad realisation that there will still be 二人世界, excluding me that is. argh.

37 + 4

that's how far i am into my pregnancy now. and according to my gynae, 37 months is considered full term.

i'm still trying to come to terms with that.

soon the days of:

miserable backaches

faithfully applying stretch marks cream every night

religiously obeying superstitions of not sticking anything, cutting anything on the bed, avoiding construction sites etc

avoiding raw foods and the 4 forbidden fish

will finally be over. and will give way to:

miserable sleepless nights

faithfully applying stretch marks removal cream every night

religiously obeying the mother-in-law's instructions and the child's cries

avoiding almost all foods except for those strictly for confinement

... ...

i'm not sure which is worse.

my belly skin...

... feels like the shirt off the back of dr. banner as he transforms into the incredible hulk.

me dear sweet baby child will stretch real far out sometimes and test the limits of my belly skin. or poke her little toes into my ribs.

space seems like a real problem here for my 2.8 kg bundle and my stretch-marks laced belly. wonder if the little one would like to come out anytime soon?

some updates...

... on how i've been doing so far:

1) finally bought some proper maternity underwear and nursing bras 2 weeks ago. amount spent was about $325 for 4 bras and 4 underwear. to be exact, it is $25.50 / underwear. they are the largest, most unsexy and expensive underwear i have ever bought. white with pink ribbons. i signed the bill with sorrow

2) bought our very first toy for child. it’s a giant chupa chups stuff toy with a bell in the lollipop. i really like it a lot cos as the moment, it’s like a representation of her. sometimes KH will shake the bell in front of my bump to her. it was really cute until he said it feels like he’s calling out vampires, with the bell going like that at night. we are bringing it to the delivery room as a form of encouragement. to me. maybe to her as well cos she might just react to the ringing and come out. thanks to KH for making such a cute thing so freaky

3) really into delifrance’s classic iced lemon tea and chicken crossiant sandwich these days. i’ve been having it every week. it’s good cos it’s healthier that hawker food (i assume), and it’s available everywhere. there’s even an express corner in some petrol kiosks. the only downside: KH is going to see delifrance in a different light soon... kekekeke...

so far so good

the very first thunderstorm

around 5 a.m. in the morning last monday, i was startled awake by a loud clap of thunder. i wasn't afraid, i'm too old for such things.

however, my little one was not.

she started moving around vigourously. it didn't strike me that it was because of the thunder till the second loud clap came along. i thought it was kind of cute and i woke KH up. it was our very first attempt and trying to calm the little one. i think i'm kind of lousy at that, cos the most i did was just rub my bump and tried to say something so that she could calm down from the tone of my voice. KH was even worse, asking him to say something usually has the opposite effect. all he could do was rub my bump more vigourously and utter one worded phrases.

i read one from one of the numerous phamplets i received that around the 7th month, babies may respond to touch and may even jump in reaction to loud noises. how impeccable.

anyways, many more "firsts" to come. can't wait :)

what color shall it be?

from my last post, we didn't know the gender of child yet, because the little one refused to open its legs.

it invited plenty of speculation. and because of the mounting suspense due to child's reluctance to open its legs (and twice at that).

anyways, there were many votes for a boy. these creative folks made their predictions from:

1) the shape of my tummy, cos it is quite sharp
2) my navel because it protrudes out proudly
3) how i look (although no one really told me in the face that i look uglier and have a bigger nose)
4) calculation of some weird formula of the EDD of child and our birth dates (i still don't know how it works)
5) the divination of the fortune teller down in holland village (he's gone missing now)

only one person said that child is a girl. and she even betted on it, against one of her friends.

well child, u defied all odds and proved everybody except one wrong! even i thought u were a boy, from the position in which u were made... haha... i must admit, i was a little upset when the nurse announced the "3 lines"

in anyways, pink or blue, u are still my sweet baby child... but i guess u have to put up with some of the blue rompers we have for u... haha

parking

it's been quite a while...

...since i've posted anything here, and quite a while since the "it's been quite a while" posts started.

it seems like drastic things happened everytime i make these posts. the last time i got a new job. this time round, i'm married and pregnant.

well, things happen. my 2 biggest fears came through in a span of 3 months. that's the lousy part is. the best part is, it's not as bad as i thought.

i'm not going to blog about how married life has been so far. instead, i've decided to keep a journal of my pregnancy. i hope that when child grows up and come across this, it'll be fascinated at what it did and did to me when it's still in me. that is, if i keep up on the postings.

plenty of "it" because the little teaser refused to opens it's legs the last time we went to the gynae. so child, if u don't want to be addressed like an animal, please cooperate when we visit dr tham's tomorrow.

i missed jotting down anything for the first 4 months, but it's never too late u know. besides, things only begin to get really interesting during the 2nd trimester. the first is just a lot of puking and plenty of toilet rituals. child, i don't want to bore u with these, u'll probably hear plenty of it whenever u piss me off anyway. haha.

i chanced upon this little piece of...

...work i've written in the month of nov '03, and i thought it was pretty good. i just started my first real job and i was having a rough time. stuck right at home in the mire.

"I buckled in the office on Friday. It was the worst break downs I have ever had in the office. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t help it. I was just too tired.

Recently, I have lost all will to fight. It was just too tough for me. I have been hanging on for so long, but now I just feel there is nothing for me to hang on anymore. The FMP program seems too remote now, and I do not feel involved in the on-goings of the team, let alone the department. My boss and colleagues have all been very nice and encouraging, but they are the ones whom left me out of the discussions. Maybe I have not been proving myself capable of participating in the meetings, or maybe I am just taking it too personally.

I have to change my mindset, or else I will go crazy and lose out. Doreen is one good example. If I keep thinking this way, sooner or later, I will follow her footsteps and leave in a stain in my career and life. The environment is tough, but this is the ultimate test of my endurance. I have to win. I cannot quit. This will mean that I have lost. After all, I am doing all this, working so hard, to prove to the world that I can do it right? That I am just as capable, just as outstanding right? You know why?

Because I am a winner."

cute.

it spells innocence all over. i mean, what am i hoping for? to take part in discussions when i'm only 6 months into the job, a graduate fresh to the corporate world? anyways, i admire the spirit.

it feels like i was telling those treating me like dirt to watch my f*cking dust. haha.

it's been quite a while...

... since i've posted anything here.

this was what had happened:

• i've got a new job with a 20+% increment in monthly pay
• i was given a new 15'' PowerBook, a Mighty Mouse and a 23'' Display to play with
• i got a cube with high walls at the back of the dept
• the cube is equipped with a printer within an arm's reach
• i made a 28% gain on one of my stocks
• i've removed about 15% of clutter from my room

if only the following hadn't happen as well:

• the new job does not come with variable bonuses
• i really would very much rather use the PC and Windows OS
• the cube is not mine. it belongs to a guy with so much crap* i hardly have space to move my Mighty Mouse. i might just throw his stupid things** away
• not to mention the printer taking up space, and people coming all the time to pick up their print jobs. i cannot surf or use my msn messenger
• i made a 22% loss on another of my stocks
• i spent about a week to remove that 15% and my room still looks as cluttered as ever

_______________________________

*rubbish found include: some food, a paper plate, 2 cans of tea leaves and a tree stem.

**after i sieve through for freebies. there's a very nice pair of earphones.

my fav emoticon...

... is supposed to keep shaking it's head.

hmm... not sure how to get it to work

this is one of my fav emoticons

it's been quite a while...

... since i've posted anything here.

even my brother is walking fine already. he doesn't need his crutches anymore, but he can't do anything too strenous yet. sometimes i forget tho'. make him run after the bus or cross the road quickly cos there was a car coming.

well, to start the new year off, here are some highlights of the day:

• went to lao yu sheng with the RA happy gang. the whole lunch cost 56 bucks per head. the yu sheng better work.
• went to meeting room 2 to bua kiao. lost 2 bucks. Han the banker set the lousy rule of having the option to quit if his deal is 15 points.
• my dear drove me back from work. i saw his sms wishing me happy 6th months' anniversary first thing in the morning. so sweet. only drawback is that he told me he went to get my valentine's day gift already. and since we won't meet each other on Sunday, i can probably do some shopping.

... ...

spoiler. but it's okie.