...work i've written in the month of nov '03, and i thought it was pretty good. i just started my first real job and i was having a rough time. stuck right at home in the mire.
"I buckled in the office on Friday. It was the worst break downs I have ever had in the office. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t help it. I was just too tired.
Recently, I have lost all will to fight. It was just too tough for me. I have been hanging on for so long, but now I just feel there is nothing for me to hang on anymore. The FMP program seems too remote now, and I do not feel involved in the on-goings of the team, let alone the department. My boss and colleagues have all been very nice and encouraging, but they are the ones whom left me out of the discussions. Maybe I have not been proving myself capable of participating in the meetings, or maybe I am just taking it too personally.
I have to change my mindset, or else I will go crazy and lose out. Doreen is one good example. If I keep thinking this way, sooner or later, I will follow her footsteps and leave in a stain in my career and life. The environment is tough, but this is the ultimate test of my endurance. I have to win. I cannot quit. This will mean that I have lost. After all, I am doing all this, working so hard, to prove to the world that I can do it right? That I am just as capable, just as outstanding right? You know why?
Because I am a winner."
cute.
it spells innocence all over. i mean, what am i hoping for? to take part in discussions when i'm only 6 months into the job, a graduate fresh to the corporate world? anyways, i admire the spirit.
it feels like i was telling those treating me like dirt to watch my f*cking dust. haha.
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