i chanced upon this little piece of...

...work i've written in the month of nov '03, and i thought it was pretty good. i just started my first real job and i was having a rough time. stuck right at home in the mire.

"I buckled in the office on Friday. It was the worst break downs I have ever had in the office. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t help it. I was just too tired.

Recently, I have lost all will to fight. It was just too tough for me. I have been hanging on for so long, but now I just feel there is nothing for me to hang on anymore. The FMP program seems too remote now, and I do not feel involved in the on-goings of the team, let alone the department. My boss and colleagues have all been very nice and encouraging, but they are the ones whom left me out of the discussions. Maybe I have not been proving myself capable of participating in the meetings, or maybe I am just taking it too personally.

I have to change my mindset, or else I will go crazy and lose out. Doreen is one good example. If I keep thinking this way, sooner or later, I will follow her footsteps and leave in a stain in my career and life. The environment is tough, but this is the ultimate test of my endurance. I have to win. I cannot quit. This will mean that I have lost. After all, I am doing all this, working so hard, to prove to the world that I can do it right? That I am just as capable, just as outstanding right? You know why?

Because I am a winner."

cute.

it spells innocence all over. i mean, what am i hoping for? to take part in discussions when i'm only 6 months into the job, a graduate fresh to the corporate world? anyways, i admire the spirit.

it feels like i was telling those treating me like dirt to watch my f*cking dust. haha.

it's been quite a while...

... since i've posted anything here.

this was what had happened:

• i've got a new job with a 20+% increment in monthly pay
• i was given a new 15'' PowerBook, a Mighty Mouse and a 23'' Display to play with
• i got a cube with high walls at the back of the dept
• the cube is equipped with a printer within an arm's reach
• i made a 28% gain on one of my stocks
• i've removed about 15% of clutter from my room

if only the following hadn't happen as well:

• the new job does not come with variable bonuses
• i really would very much rather use the PC and Windows OS
• the cube is not mine. it belongs to a guy with so much crap* i hardly have space to move my Mighty Mouse. i might just throw his stupid things** away
• not to mention the printer taking up space, and people coming all the time to pick up their print jobs. i cannot surf or use my msn messenger
• i made a 22% loss on another of my stocks
• i spent about a week to remove that 15% and my room still looks as cluttered as ever

_______________________________

*rubbish found include: some food, a paper plate, 2 cans of tea leaves and a tree stem.

**after i sieve through for freebies. there's a very nice pair of earphones.

my fav emoticon...

... is supposed to keep shaking it's head.

hmm... not sure how to get it to work

this is one of my fav emoticons

it's been quite a while...

... since i've posted anything here.

even my brother is walking fine already. he doesn't need his crutches anymore, but he can't do anything too strenous yet. sometimes i forget tho'. make him run after the bus or cross the road quickly cos there was a car coming.

well, to start the new year off, here are some highlights of the day:

• went to lao yu sheng with the RA happy gang. the whole lunch cost 56 bucks per head. the yu sheng better work.
• went to meeting room 2 to bua kiao. lost 2 bucks. Han the banker set the lousy rule of having the option to quit if his deal is 15 points.
• my dear drove me back from work. i saw his sms wishing me happy 6th months' anniversary first thing in the morning. so sweet. only drawback is that he told me he went to get my valentine's day gift already. and since we won't meet each other on Sunday, i can probably do some shopping.

... ...

spoiler. but it's okie.