my*sunsetbay

the missing parent

2011-09-13T22:31:00.005+08:00

like many of my other posts, i can't believe that it has been a year since i've last posted anything here. i briefly wonder if i should close down this blog for good.
in my defense, i've been really busy trying to spend quality time with the kids, while at the same time, trying to impress my boss at work.
when did this happen? hasn't my top priority always been my career?
there was one pivoting point:
i brought my 6 month old for his vaccine. the nurse asked some routine questions about his development. i find myself flustering and turning to my helper for most of the answers. they were simple questions like if he could pass something small from one hand to the other hand. when my helper said he could, i wondered why i hadn't noticed this achievement. i am his mother, but another woman knows him better than i do. feels like i am his mother only biologically.
i used to leave for work around 7:30 a.m. and was back only around 8 to 9 p.m. i seldom took leave. i have done crazier things like working during my maternity leave (including going back to the office) as well as consider bringing my laptop to the delivery ward (KH gave me the ultimatum).
i decided to do something about being the missing parent. my kids' childhood days are never going to come back, and KH has made it clear that it is insane to have another kid just because i want to re-live the experience of having a baby, and in a way, make up for lost time.
so here you go. i am still a full time working mom, but i guess i'll just have to work harder on the "mom" part of it.

time is scientific, yet so abstract

2010-09-02T16:29:00.007+08:00

i wrote one of my previous posts when i was 4 weeks and 4 days to delivery. today, i'm writing this when my boy is 3 weeks and 2 days old. all units are in either weeks or days. such small time units. soon in another few more days, i can start using the unit "month" when stating his age. the time from being pregnant till today, with him so tiny and cute besides me, feels so surreal.

before i gave birth, whenever i look at LX's hands and feet, i always marvel at how little they are. i never realized how much they have grown, until i saw at my newborn's hands and feet.

i feel myself trying to capture and keep every single moment, but it's impossible. time will still fly by methodically, almost relentlessly, and i will find myself asking the same question: "where has all the time gone"?

since it's a futile attempt to cling on to every moment, i guess i can only treasure every single one.

the wait is finally over!

2010-09-02T15:39:00.004+08:00

here's the premiere showing ooofff... ... DI DI

the wait is going to be over soon

2010-07-11T23:23:00.008+08:00

"i realized that i could really start counting down to d-day. 4 weeks and 4 days left. and if i'm right about being early, i could be just 2 weeks away. why not? our boy's head is already resting comfortably (?) on my pelvic, and occasionally, i will either feel the false contractions, or the sharp pain in my cervix.

anyways let's just do away with the assumption about being early and stick to the theoretical date. therefore i'm into the last month of my pregnancy career. being me, i'm starting to feel sentimental about it, and since i was advised to keep some sort of journal as a memento for my kid about my pregnancy journey, this would be a good time to start. i've made a resolution to do this every day, but then again, let's see how long i can keep up.

yesterday, we went to the temple to pray. my mil also needed to buy the confinement herbs for me, and i also needed to buy the replacement parts for the medela breast pumps that adel loaned me. after that, we went for this hotshot steamboat place which dear was very passionate about, then we headed home.

like many weekends, we went home with tonnes of things. sometimes it strikes me that every weekend, we are adding more stuff in our home than removing. it's not rocket science that stuff in our house are piling up. with me being a hoarder, it's definitely hard for me to remove. fortunately, i can't stand clutter as well. usually the sentimental hoarder prevails, but when the clear the clutter me stands out, i sure make use of the chance to clean out.

i will pick a big bag, because the environmentalist in me will ensure that it gets filled up. then i'll start the painful process of decision making. sigh. at the end of the whole process, i feel good, as long i don't think about what i threw away, and i won't remember a few days later. this process continued till the next day, while i cleared personal backlog.

dear had the light bulb changed, i had asked him to ask deserie to put her luggage into our "storeroom", we put hooks behind the door for her to hang her clothes, i packed our shoe cabinet and came up with an excellent idea for a customized shoe cabinet"

today is 2nd of september, and i realized that i had the above saved as draft all along, since april, but given the part about 4 weeks left, i think i actually wrote this around july, then saved it again. after reading it now, i am not sure how i wanted to end it, and what the whole point of the post was about. i even forgot about it. very typical of preggie me. so much for keeping "some sort of journal as a memento for my kid about my pregnancy journey". but hey, at least i did write something.

my mentor and fat ole me, in universal studios, and just a few weeks to d-day.. ha

new age family bonding

2010-03-28T15:12:00.006+08:00

it's been quite a while...

2010-02-10T17:50:00.010+08:00

...and now i'm adding to my "it's been quite a while" collection again, despite proclaiming in the earlier post with the same title that "the next post will not share the same title as this one". well, technically, the next post didn't share the same title. haha.

agrh, i'm just making excuses for myself. i'm dangerously falling into the patten of blogging only in august, march and august, and therefore before february ends, i thought i should post something.

between then and now, quite a few things happened, but i will just narrow it down to one for this post.

my little one started school on Jan 4!! the event and exclamation marks should trigger excitement, but it was more agonizing than anything else for me and LX.

even before school started, we needed prep work for LX. we gave her lots of pep talks:

big girl talk: "Le Xuan is a big girl now, so she must be brave to be in school on her own, without mommy and daddy okay? okay?? being brave means no crying like a baby, okay? OKAY??"

show the perks: "school would be so FUN!! there are lots of toys and activities like drawing to do!!" and of course the biggest perk of all: "there's a very BIG PLAYGROUND in school!!"

we even offered incentives: "mommy will bring you for some ice-cream after class okay?"

all points needed persistent reiteration. the first two from me to her, and the last one from her to me. whatever it took to work. we kept our fingers crossed.

finally, the big week came. i took morning leave from the office for the whole week. for the first two days LX didn't cry, and she tried out most of the activities that were laid out at the table. encouraging. but i think it was because i was allowed to sit in one corner of the class, and the entire session was only 45 minutes for both days. she would often stop what she was doing for a while to cast glances in my direction to make sure i was still around.

the third day was the challenge, as i was no longer allowed to sit in class. to up-size the challenge, LX scrapped her knee on the way to school. therefore before we even arrived, LX was already crying on top of her lungs. we made a dramatic entrance with me carrying her and rushing into school, screaming for antiseptic and plaster. after her knee was taken care of, class proceeded. LX cried through out the whole session. she was the only one crying. it was so bad that one teacher had to carry her throughout, and to make up for the lost headcount, they roped in another teacher into the class. i took comfort that the class was only 45 minutes too, and that her wails didn't invite any sympathetic crying from the other kids.

on day 4, LX came down with a temperature and didn't make it to school. day 3 must have been really bad.

we went back to school on day 5, and this round was the full session. the folks were also not allowed to wait inside the school to watch, so all of us either hanged around in the lobby area, or went out for walks. it was an agonizing wait for me (3 hours!!) and the first 4 days had taken their toll on me. i was pale with morning sickness and probably frothing at the mouth as i slumped on the same bench the whole time. one kind mom even offered to walk across the street to get me a bottled drink.

finally i could start counting down when the door creaked open. the deputy administrator's head poked out and she signaled only for me to go in. an ominous feeling of doom loomed. she asked me about LX's scrapped knee and hastily tried to explain something to me. it was kinda incoherent and i lost interest when i recognized LX's cries. doom was an understatement. LX fell down at the playground and scrapped the same spot. we made a dramatic exit with me carrying her and rushing home.

this sums up the whole week of school, but it wasn't over. LX complained constantly about her knee, refused to bathe because the water would sting the wound, showed her plastered knee to anyone who cared to listen, and then the next week, she fell of the top of the steps in the playground (again). memorable.

but as usual, i should end off on a happy note. here's the picture of her enjoying her $21.90 treat:

2009-08-03T23:04:00.001+08:00

my visit to the doctor

2009-08-03T22:45:00.003+08:00

loaded... sausage... what goes in must come out... purge...

believe it or not but these are the words used by my doctor to describe my diagnosis when i visited him for the first time last saturday. the night before, i started having cramps in my stomach. the pain came in regular sharp bursts and it got so bad that i woke up from sleep groaning in misery. fearing it was a bad case of food poisoning, KH solemnly declared that we cancel all plans to see the doctor first thing in the morning.

the visit to the doctor's turned out to be less grim than it seems... at least to KH:

- after describing my symptoms and answering some of his questions, the doctor revealed that it was not food poisoning, just that i was "fecal-ly loaded". KH let out a laugh. The doctor politely asked if KH was my husband.

- i was sent to the examination bed, and the doctor commenced to press around my abdomen. he narrowed his search to the lower left side of my tummy and confirmed that he could feel a "sausage" there. KH let out another laugh. i gave him the shit eye.

- after he was done with the check, we went back to our seats. the doctor told me that if i did not gain weight, as it only make sense that "what went in, must come out". i mentioned that i did not feel the urge everyday. KH eagerly gave an unasked for comment to back that claim up. the doctor then started giving me advices on what to eat to encourage the movement, and said that i must make it a daily affair to "purge".

finally, i was diagnosed as having "abdominal irritations from bacteria due to fecal build up in the digestive tract". in other words, i was full of shit and it was stinking up my whole system. i left the clinic with little medication and one action item. KH left the clinic getting a kick out of my diagnosis and from me.

my own diagnosis? i am definitely going to make this guy my regular doctor.

LX will be so proud of us

2009-03-10T23:36:00.009+08:00

today is one of the special days of the year, and i must say, i am not exactly thrilled at clocking in on my chronological timeline. therefore to spice things up a little, i brought these home from the office:

they were originally meant for LX for my own amusement, but after some chasing around and cold hard stares from KH, i dropped the idea.

but KH, being the nice daddy and hubby he is, wanting to save his daughter from looking stupid but not disappoint the wife who likes to do stupid things, decided to sacrifice himself. what a great hubby, looking great with that hair style. he even managed to look happy in those pictures (yes, he actually sat through for more than one... eight to be exact). i had wanted him to pose, like combing his "hair", or looking suave but i think it is a better idea not to push my luck too far. but surprise surprise! he even allowed me to post this pic! hahaha...

...my dear child, when you are older and see this pic, i hope you would still be proud of your crazy folks!

you don't mess with the zo-tans

2009-03-09T20:43:00.007+08:00

we went to parkway parade on one of the weekends to try to use up my vouchers which were expiring on that day. it was raining and we decided to try our luck for a parking lot in the forever-crowded shopping mall car park instead of a nearby HDB car park. as we head towards the 3rd level of the car park, we got lucky. a family was heading for their car in a lot at a corner.

as per normal practice, KH parked a few cars behind and put on the hazard lights while waiting for the car to exit. however, a few moments later, another car came up and parked right in front of us and put the lights on as well, when obviously only one lot was going to be available.

KH gave him the benefit of doubt and flashed the headlights to signal to the car that we were there first. the car didn't budge, so he decided to press the horn to inform him that the lot was ours. finally the car did move, but instead of leaving, the fellow drove his car up and positioned it some distance away from that lot such that he could slot his car in the moment the other car leaves.

i asked KH if he was going to have it out with that fellow, and he said yes. already, i could see him morph from dr. jekyll to mr. hyde. good luck to the guy who decided to persist his way to hell.

without another word, KH got out of the car, slammed the door, and stormed his way to the other car. maybe it's my imagination, but he even looked a bit hunched up. i couldn't hear the commotion, but i could definitely see it. some minutes later, while KH stormed back, the idiotic driver stared all his way into our car at me, before making his way off. i resisted the urge to give him the finger with great effort. at least not in front of LX.

i asked KH what went on between the two of them. he said he told that fellow that we were there waiting first. and the fellow, instead of apologizing to mr. hyde, defiantly replied "you don't have to shout what, i didn't see you".

come on, cut the crap. you must be blind and deaf not to have noticed our car. and what is your lousy excuse for positioning your car so that you can beat us to the lot once the other car leaves? amazingly, you can even come out with such a lame liner so that you can have the last say.

you are probably keeping your fingers crossed that you could cut us and get the lot, while we just watch you get your way dumbfoundedly? oh oh, and when we stare at you with hatred as you park and leave, you will just look everywhere else except into our eyes? because you have succeeded doing this so many times before? huh, hUH?!

well you have picked the wrong family to mess with then. even if KH wasn't there, i would have given you hell myself. i don't care if i have to create a scene just to showcase your bloody disgusting behavior. still stare at me. i should always arm myself with a camera so that i can film such people down and post their ugly behavior on youtube.

anyways, i am pretty sure that fellow must be bitching about us too because he thinks he is right, with his warp sense of justice. maybe he wasn't staring at me. maybe he was memorizing our car plate, color and make so that one day, if he spots our car in a deserted car park, he can take a spray can that he always keep in handy in his car, draw a big sunshine and write f*ck you on our hood. and maybe for a twisted guy like him, he has a list of cars to spray...

... in your dreams, coward. fight like a man and get your own parking lot, before someone sprays your car instead.

to the intended a-hole recipient: i hope you get the message

it's been quite a while...

2009-03-06T23:57:00.011+08:00

...since i've posted anything here, adding to my "it's been quite a while" collection.

counting back, i realize that it has actually been half a year since i last blogged. i wonder where the hell i've been. i remember trying to make it a point to blog at least once a month to mark the milestones of LX, but look how much i have missed out.

anyways to make up for lost time, here are some quick highlights:

september: i got adventurous and brought LX to ikea all on my own. we had fun and i even bought a potty, bibs and some toys.
it stopped being fun when i had to carry LX and the stuff i bought while waiting for the taxi with 10 ahead of me in the line

october: LX called KH "daddy" when she saw him walking towards us as we waited outside the car while he went to buy 4D. KH must have felt that he really strike 4D then

november: LX went for her first preschool trial lesson. she took to the toys immediately, but not to the teachers and kids. the teacher tried, with effort, to involve her. she didn't try very hard after LX told her to keep quiet when she put her forefinger on her baby lips, pout them a little, and made a "shhhh" sound

december: LX went to a chalet (rented by my mom) for the first time

january: i released LX without her diapers as i wanted to air her butt, hoping to get rid of some nappy rash. i was thinking of doing it for 5 minutes but decided to push my luck by letting her roam butt naked a little longer.
a few minutes later, LX peed a pool and slipped on it. needless to say, i got hell from KH for this act of stupidity

february: LX managed to make a hole out of her pacifier (amazingly) after months of intensive sucking. we decided to use this chance to wean her off it. LX went cold turkey and suffered withdrawal symptoms. it goes without saying that we suffered along with her

i'm sure there were other highlights but i promise it will be quick. when i think of any (and if i have the time) i will be back to post them. and hopefully, the next post will not share the same title as this one.

another one of mom's stupid ideas?

caution: this is NOT a toy

2008-08-30T13:38:00.011+08:00

if the falling-off-the-bed is an episode of horrible parents, then this is its blockbuster sequel.

notice that for many items have the "caution: this is NOT a toy" label? i used to think that such warnings are rubbish. i mean, try defining toys for children and something cute and colorful will probably come to mind. which idiot will think an empty package box or bottle as a kiddy toy?

well, i turned into that idiot when i became a parent. especially a hungry one who is desperately trying to keep her irate toddler occupied at the dinner table.

here's just a short list of objects that has became short term "toys":

1) at the dinner table: spoons, cutlery knife, bowls, plates, straws, packs of sugar, packs of tissue paper, serviettes, menus, menu stands, cards, keys.

and just to clarify, the cutlery knife idea wasn't mine. and when i snatched it away from LX, which resulted in her screaming and bawling away, i was scolded. since then, i've made sure it's a singular incident.

2) at home: bottles, boxes, "safety" scissors, remote controls, envelopes, moisturizers, foundation, eye shadow, clothes pegs, brushes, batteries, drawers, contact lenses, ointment, toothpaste, toothbrush, pen, pencil, coasters, cheque books, switches, laptop.

this one i must admit. the scissors was my bloody idea. she has this cute piyo piyo nail scissors in a shield, and i was fobbed into thinking that would be kinda innocent. until one day, she figured out how to get rid of the pesky shield and get to the real thing.

3) in the car: car seat straps, brochures, lanyard with employee passes at the end, pacifier tag, mobile phones, interior car lights, steering wheel, various car buttons and knobs... at the driver's seat.

but of course, she was at the wheel only when the car is stationary. we are not that desperate, not that horrible.

i've probably missed out somethings, but i'm sure they are all similar desperate measures. for my dear LX, anything that is fresh and new is potentially a toy, for the next 5 minutes at least, and her real regular toys don't work anymore. and if you think i'm writing all these just to indicate that LX is a victim of poor parenting, well, she's not the only recipient.

aside from being scolded for doing the right thing on the cutlery knife,

a) i've been conked in the head by literally flying piyo piyo when she holds one end of her pacifier tag and swings it like a lasso

b) KH has been slapped by his own employee pass when she was waving it to and fro by the lanyard

c) i've lost one swarovski crystal off my mobile phone chain when she threw it from her high chair

d) electricity bills has gone up because she simply enjoys turning the air conditioner on and off just to hear the beep sound

i'm not trying to find excuses with the last parts, but hey, do share some ideas if you have any. and LX, when you grow up and in any chance get to read this, don't get upset. at least you didn't fall off the 2nd story window of your own home. haha.

morbid comforts

2008-07-19T23:31:00.005+08:00

coincidentally on the day child fell off the bed, while we were waiting for my country folks to call in during one of my weekly meetings, my big boss asked about my little one.

i told him that she fell off the bed that morning, and immediately there were gasps, concerned looks and queries on how it happened, and how she was doing. i described the unfortunate event and when i said that the poor critter ended up flat on her back bawling away, it must have came out funny because everyone started to laugh. some of them ended up feeling embarrassed about cracking up but it was okay because i was trying to make light of the situation.

and as if to make up for it, one father started to share his story about a similar incident. he asked me how high my bed was, and i said half a meter. then he told us that his kid fell over a height of one meter. what was upsetting was that both parents were in the room at that time, but just that as their backs were turned, the poor boy pivoted on the cot's rail, which was put half way down, and fell head down towards the floor.

i was not sure if i should feel comforted, then another colleague started to share about the story of her friend's toddler who fell out of the window of her two story bungalow. miraculously, there were no injuries at all.

at that moment, my country folks called in and we went about our business. which is a good thing, because i did not think i could bear to hear more about another child falling out of something that will top a two story bungalow's window.

so my dear LX, if you think about it, compared to these kids, maybe you are not getting such a bad deal after all? hahaha.

that the bolster rolls is no rocket science

2008-06-24T23:08:00.006+08:00

today my dear child fell off the bed.

i was in the shower and KH was making his way to brush his teeth when i heard a loud thump, followed by a sharp cry. instinctively, i knew LX fell off the bed.

when i got out of the bathroom after a mad rush thinking oh-my-god-oh-my-god all time, KH was already carrying LX towards me. she wasn't crying anymore and was clearly upset, but mostly she looked shocked. KH inspected her limbs and i checked the back of her head for bumps and thank god, she was in the clear. but still, we aren't entirely satisfied. we promise ourselves we will monitor her for a few more days to make sure she is really alright.

we sort of reviewed the whole incident in the car on our way to work and it turns out that the loud thump i heard was actually from KH, who tripped after he heard LX cried out. LX fell off because she rolled and the bolster, which shouldn't be used as a barricade on the bed against the floor, rolled along. when KH found her, she was lying on her back on the floor, splayed out like a starfish, and bawling away. the image haunted KH in a way, and he felt really really bad about it. i felt bad about it too, because a few times the bolster was used to block LX from the floor, it did occur to me that it will roll along with her. but for some reason i just dismiss that thought. so i have been a party to this too.

luckily LX is fine, no unusual symptoms or bumps. we speculated that the bolster hit the floor first, and she probably landed on it, and then bounced off it. so that could have soften the blow. maybe i'm trying to soften our blow by thinking that, but if that really happens, then we are really lucky.

whatever it is, we will watch out and make sure such things never happen again. my dear LX, mummy and daddy are so sorry. we will constantly remind ourselves that the bolster, being a cylindrical figure, rolls is no rocket science. please forgive us?

this is what happens when you leave your 8 month old alone. . .

2008-05-14T18:37:00.008+08:00

... with a farley's rusk. and i'm talking about the whole round rice biscuit. i didn't bother to break it up to smaller portions despite some wise advices from KH.

and after ooo-ing and aah-ing about how she was taking to the biscuit, i actually forgot about it. i went about pushing the pram while talking to my brother, with LX enjoying her bigger-than-her-palm rusk (as in having fun with it rather than in the gastronomical sense).

when i suddenly remembered and checked, the whole rusk was gone. not in her tummy, but all over the pram, her hands and her face. i was glad that at that moment, KH was not around to witness his sweet baby girl mouthing the pram's bar away because it was covered with delicious rusk.

so yeah, the perfect combination of stupidity and forgetfulness.

that was in february when we were at great world city shopping centre. i don't remember why we were there (and why my brother was with us), but i just came across these pictures and decided to make up for lost time by posting this blog.

today, we officially have one more senior citizen in the family...

2008-04-07T22:34:00.009+08:00

... because today is my father's 60th birthday! to commemorate this milestone of life, he specifically asked for roasted goose. so yesterday, we brought him to Imperial Treasure (Ngee Ann City) for dinner. 3 generations in the family celebrating the man hitting the big 6-0. my brother told him that he must be feeling all warm and fuzzy.

i didn't hear my father's response to that, because LX was creating mayhem at the table. but earlier part of the day, i did ask my father on how he felt about being a senior citizen officially. and he told me that he had already applied for his senior citizen ez link card 2 weeks ago. then he went on to complain that the lower fares can only be enjoyed during concession hours. in anyways, i am glad that he is making plans for his new status and privileges.

so yeah father, this little slot is dedicated to you on this special day. it has been a great 27 years knowing you, and we hope for many more years to laugh with (and at) you. you are one of the funniest guy i have ever met, simply just because you never meant to be. just love the way you pronounce "soap" for soup, "poke" for pork and "scape" for scalp, and how you always emphasize the "rot" in carROT. and brother and i never bother to correct you. we also appreciate the support you have always given us big guy. so yeah, lose weight and stay happy.

poser

do we always have a choice?

2007-11-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

when i was in primary school, usually after the year end final exams, there would be a period of time when we would not have lessons and we would be free to bring our toys, games or whatever entertainment to class and have some fun together.

besides the regular board games, dolls and uno cards, some of my friends brought books. teachers might have been a bit surprised, but these are not books for literary development. these are what we called "game books".

such books begin by a very short story line. in fact, that very first story line will lead you to scenario whereby you have to make a choice. whatever choice you make will take you to different pages. that means you do not read the book by the page sequence. and whatever choice you make each time, can lead you to very different endings. for example, say your story starts in a forest whereby you are walking down a path. along the way, you found a treasure box. if you choose to open the box, go to page 2. if you choose to ignore the box and continue your way down the path, go to page 5. whether you go to page 2 or 5, it will lead you to a point whereby you have to make a choice to go to page x or page y. and this goes on until your story ends. you get the idea.

ironically, this is one of the most important lesson i learn about life in school. we are all put into that very first story line when we start to be able to consciously make decisions. except for that very first story line and whatever life hands you, we always have choices. the only problem is whether the choice is an easy or difficult one.

the uncertainty of the outcome behind each choice is proportional to the difficulty of making the decision. and life is full of uncertainties. also, picking one option out of the rest might mean giving up other alternatives (opportunities?) available. therefore whatever life hands us, we should try to pick the choice that seems best at that point in time, and one that will not metamorphose to regret. and even though it might be difficult sometimes, the last thing we should do is to go into self-denial, say that we have no choice, and give up.

oh well, writing it down is much easier than doing it. how many times have i said that i have "no choice but to ... ..."? anyways to reverse the solemnity of this post, below is the picture of one difficult choice i had to make:

before it's gone

2007-09-23T04:33:00.000+08:00

today i'll like to talk about my hair before there's nothing much left to talk about anymore.

i started losing hair in the past few weeks at a crazy rate. you know it's bad when you can see your hair flowing into the drainage in clumps while you shower, when you keep finding strands of your own hair in your dinner because it's dropping off while you are eating, and when you pick your child up from the bed, she's covered with your hair.

i tried to make the situation better by going for a haircut, and i compounded the problem by going to a lousy hairstylist who gave me a disaterous haircut that left me permanently in a hairclip.

actually i should be in awe of the hairstylist. he turned my hair into a wild octopus. my trusty hairclip that accompanied me through pregnancy, birth, and the turmoil of taking care of a newborn was ripped into two after a day. subsequently, no hairclip, metal clasp or not, can contain it. five minutes after clamping it down with a hairclip, it will find some way to stick out of it and go in all directions. my barbaric hair also scorns at brushes and combs. the teeth of the comb are no match. i almost lost it in a mass of tentacle. and blowing it with a hair dryer turns me into a sacred being with a halo of hair radiating from the sides. i haven't tried drowning it in gel yet.

looking into the mirror sends me into depression. the urge to shave myself bald is getting stronger everyday. actually maybe this might be the intention of the wise hairstylist. he knows that i have a serious hair loss problem and i probably will never shave myself bald to save it. perhaps i should continue to think this way for that stupid fool's sake.

why we finally decide the baby cot is too small

2007-09-01T08:23:00.001+08:00

our special day

2007-08-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

today marks my 2 year anniversary with KH. 3 aug 2005 was the day we first started our life together as a couple. this date has been very meaningful to us ever since, and the 3rd of every month is a day whereby we'll at least kiss to commemorate that special day.

however, after all the sweetness above, i must admit: somehow* i can never remember to wish KH on the 3rd of every month. he started the practice first, and has faithfully wished me "happy xxth month anniversary dear" on the days ever since. because he has been so sweet, i have tried to initate the wishings but somehow** i never made it. i think this is what they call "bo sim". on that very one occasion KH forgot and i remembered, i wished him on the 4th instead. not because it was belated, but because somehow*** i thought it was the 4th.

so no prize for guessing what happened today.

yeah! u are right! i did it again! i forgot!

today also happens to be my first day back to work after my maternity leave. so yeah, that's why i got a lot of things on my mind. and therefore somehow****, that sort of got pushed out. a beautiful bouquet of pink roses got delivered to me in the office. i was surprised because not many people knew i started work today and when i saw KH's name on the delivery order, my initial thought was that he's sending it to me to encourage me on my first day of work because he knew i was kind of upset about it.

oh well. but needless to say, i was elated. my dearest KH is now in the states and i am disappointed that we can't be together on this day^. but if u think about it, one good thing about my forgetfulness about this is that rightfully i should get tired of this thing since we do it every month. but i don't. each one is as refreshing to me. and therefore, i have at least one thing to be happy about every month... no? see my quote of the moment?

anyways, to stop sounding like a heartless bastard, i do have a note for KH on this very special day:

"dear dear, i find it amazing that we have been together for 2 years already. i can still remember those times when we were dating with fondness, and i remember me telling you that i am really very happy many many times. that statement still holds very true up till today, so i'm going to say it again. i am really very very happy. and because of you, i am the luckiest girl in the world. thank you dear, and may we live together in happiness always."

and to celebrate this day without excluding our sweet baby child, here is a picture of her i took specially for him. i dragged his mom in to take a look, and she was very amused and we had a good laugh over it (at child's expense, and she's so oblivious of it! that's the funniest part). and MT, if u are reading this, u have a part in it too. haha. and i really like them, they make her sooooo cute.

___________________________________________________
*this is a very convenient word to make something lame sound more like a reason rather than an excuse
**so that's why i'm using it again
***and again
****and again!
^like i remember

change is inevitable...

2007-07-27T16:22:00.000+08:00

...except from a vending machine, so says Robert C. Gallagher*

just look at my little cherub:

her eyes are showing more than just the pupils, her eyebrows are appearing, her cheeks are chubbier and her hair is longer. in other words, she is growing. her weight at one month was 4.3kg, which means she gained about a kg from birth. which is quite a feat considering that i am a very clumsy person, and i can't even take care of myself.

well, she's not the only one changing... look at me:

the nose is smaller, and the cheeks less chubby. i think i look much prettier too.

in short, i lost 10kg in a month. KH also lost 3kg. that's 13kg lost in a month in exchange for a 1kg gain in weight. i looked better in that pic because i put a lot of makeup to cover up the pale skin, dark rings and bags around the eyes that resulted from sleepless nights, endless feeding and constant changing of diapers. and not to mention those times when we have to rock and cuddle her in our tired arms to pacify her inconsolable crying, until we feel like crying ourselves.

... ...

am i complaining?

____________________________________
*i don't know who he is

battle of the diaper change

2007-07-17T17:17:00.000+08:00

the gauntlet is thrown at the first sound of a fart or a bleep-bleep-bleep. i calmly accept it and arrange to meet half hour later for her to finish her business.

while waiting, i set up my combat formation on the bed, our battleground. i lay out the changing mat, waterproof pad, diaper wipes, cotton pads, nappy rash cream and diapers. i also make sure that the tissue box is fully loaded and the rubbish bin is within shooting range.

the time has come. we take our positions: me on the waterproof pad, and she on the changing mat. in lightning speed, i remove the booties, the pants and the right fastener of the diaper to assess the damage. as expected, it is full of crap. but do not be fooled into thinking that she won't crap anymore, thou be forewarned! precautionary measures still have to be taken!

i quickly launch my attack on her butt with an onslaught of diaper wipes and cotton pads. she fires back rapidly by kicking my hands away with her little baby legs. but i continue to hold the fort. sensing it is not working, she decides to ambush me. she stops her "no shadow kicks" and sneakily stares ahead. i know that look all too well. sure enough, she launches an explosive missile of crap suddenly. i promptly defend by using the "tissue paper shield". wahahahahahaha. i learn my lesson well. the last time she got me with a projectile of shit and i was in the direct line of fire.

the battle is won when i stick the right fastener of a fresh diaper on, and i remain unharmed. however, there is no room for complacency. i will continue to remain vigilant. all the more when my trusty sidekick, KH, is not around.

till we meet again.

the wait is finally over!

2007-07-17T17:09:00.000+08:00

here's the premiere showing ooofff... ...THE CHILD

the wait is going to be over soon

2007-06-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

the time unit till the delivery of child has changed from months, to weeks, to days, and now finally, to hours. i am scheduled to be induced into labour tomorrow morning at 9 a.m.

and i am not sure how i should feel. i sure didn't wake up this morning feeling all excited about meeting child tomorrow, about today being the last day of my pregnancy. in fact, i think i'm going to miss feeling child having a rolling good time inside me, and KH touching my bump asking how she's doing. i'm also going to miss the things he did with me while i was pregnant, like going for my gynae visits, to maternity classes and waiting around in Orchard while i attended my pre-natal yoga classes.

today, he even bought a real coconut for me to drink, in preparation for the big day tomorrow. however, he bought an uncut one. he managed to hack the pointy top part off, only to expose more husk and no nut. after struggling for a while on the top part, he decided to try another strategy, to hack the sides instead.

i wonder how intelligent that was, thinking that the sides are even thicker. he even asked me if i can do without the flesh, just take the drink, thinking that he could hack his way through from the sides and milk the coconut water into a mug.

after a good half hour, a lot of sweat and husk lying around, he finally gave up and threw the whole coconut away. to make himself feel better, he said it cost only one buck anyways.

oh yeah, i think i'm going to miss such "pregnancy" antics from KH as well.

the different reactions - zzzZZ

2007-06-07T23:01:00.000+08:00

date: 5 june 2007
time: 03:30
location: our bed

this time, KH did wake up. and he even tried to soothe my tummy. however, i was a bit surprised that he said: "child, not tonight okay?"

and i think he just didn't continue saying "cos daddy wants to sleep"...*

______________________________________________________________
*altho' in his defense, KH said he meant that he was trying to tell child to stop moving so that i wouldn't feel so much pain...

the different reactions - zzz

2007-06-07T19:38:00.000+08:00

date: 5 june 2007
time: 01:32
location: our bed

i was drifting in and out of sleep while suddenly my tummy started to hurt real bad. it was like sore menstrual cramps, and the pain enveloped my whole belly. i prodded at it, but it didn't feel tight, it felt soft, like an overripe fruit instead.

my back was facing KH, so i had to reach back and grope for him instead. i finally found his hand, tugged at it and said: "dear, i'm in pain, i'm iN PAIIIINNNNN!!!!!!!!"

i stopped to catch my breathe and tried to make myself more comfortable.

he mumbled to ask if i was alright. then, there was a pause. then...

i heard him snore.

i guess being worried about him being too jittery and not being able to find the car was unfounded. haha.

the different reactions - where's my car

2007-06-07T18:47:00.000+08:00

date: 30 May 2007
time: 14:12
location: b2 carpark, anchorage point

KH and i just had lunch over at paddy fields. the brouhaha over at the gynae's had shredded my nerves to bits, but still left me with appetite for some thai food.

however, it didn't strike me that KH's nerves were pretty frayed too. i should have noted the signs. firstly, he couldn't decide what to do when we couldn't find a parking space at alexander's village where we originally wanted to lunch. secondly, he couldn't decide what to eat at paddy fields. he was flipping the menu, but i'm not sure if he was even looking at it.

the tell-tale sign really came when we went to the carpark for the car. he couldn't find it. KH always finds the car. and then he started to freak out: "where's my car, WHERE'S MY CARRRR?!?!?!?!". and next: "我明明park這裡的!!!",

while his 39 weeks pregnant wife was standing there with fatigue and the possiblity of labour.

i wanted to suggest maybe we could check the other side of the carpark. i was getting really tired and wanted to tell him my legs were going to break. and also add that if he did not calm down and find the stupid car, i would like to break him as well.

but in anyways, it was actually kind of sweet to know how anxious he is about the whole thing. my usually cool and decisive KH losing it because of me and child. however, it wasn't so comforting to think if he has to send me to the hospital, and him going "where's my car, WHERE'S MY CARRRR?!?!?!?!" in the carpark... ...

the different reactions - this is it

2007-06-07T11:27:00.000+08:00

date: 30 may 2007
time: 11:05
location: dr Tham's clinic, Gleneagles

we saw dr Yam for the first time since dr Tham was away, and he seems like a detailed, caring and very hands-on gynae. i had the CTG, an internal examination and a scan done, and he listened very attentively to what i said. which is great, cos likely child can't wait for dr Tham to be back and i'm just as comfortable with him.

i just needed to go to the toilet before i leave. somehow i feel that something is not right down there. and true enough, there was a 10 by 1 cm trail of fresh blood on my panty liner. i let out a gasp. and surprisingly, KH could hear it even though he's in the male's toilet and i'm in the female's.

from the toilet he shouted, "what happened, dear?!" i don't really feel like shouting back from the toilet and have a conversation between toilet doors, so i got done with my business quickly. he came out shortly and started rapping at my door. i went out and told him about my discovery.

we hurried back to the clinic. i had another internal examination, this time with some device. after some delibration, i was finally sent back home with an mc, for observations, just to make sure that it's labour time before i'm admitted.

we started to make some calls (and we were still in the clinic). i called my boss and probably said gibberish, but the bottom line was that i wasn't going to turn up for work. my colleagues called as well as they were expecting me. i probably said the same gibberish with the same bottom line. i'm not sure about KH, but i was shaking all over, thinking this is it, this is it... ...

the best way

2007-05-31T13:49:00.000+08:00

the best way to live in harmony is not to have any preconceived ideas about anything if you are not the boss and if you don't own the place.

the best way to live happily is to have expectations and have it carried out without obstruction. and yes, it helps if you own the place.

less than a year ago, i could still do that to 10% of the area i used to bunk in. i bought most of the furniture and call the shots on where they are put. i took pride when people commented that it was a pretty hangout.

now, i don't even have 1% of the room of the place i have to live in. i can't even make decisions on bare necessities, let alone luxurious ones like where to put the changing mat.

the best way to get out of this? earn lotsa money and get my own pad.

the empire strikes back... again!

2007-05-29T22:24:00.000+08:00

yesterday evening, my dearest drove me back from the office as usual. slightly before i left, i was trying to figure out something from a meeting i had earlier. it was a number i couldn't quite remember how it was derived.

i was thinking aloud while KH drove. finally, i got pretty annoyed. i growled in frustration, grabbed my hair into 2 ponytails trying to pull them out, and slumped against the window on my side.

at that moment, the car stopped at a junction. eyes not leaving the road, KH extended his left hand, subconciously placed it on my bump and asked in a sing-song manner: "how is my child doing today?"

that's when i realised he was oblivious to my gripes. and he wasn't asking me how the child was doing, he was asking child how she was doing.

boo hoo hoo...

my throne has been usurped

2007-05-23T11:12:00.000+08:00

every morning, KH will drive me to work. sometimes, when we stop at one of the junctions, while waiting for the busy traffic to pass, KH will put the car in neutral, take his left hand off the wheel and hold my right. he will then caress my hand while we quietly look at each other and smile. it is just sweet, romantic quality time spent together.

this morning, while waiting at one of the junctions, he extended his left hand as usual. i took the cue and held out my right. but he extended his hand further than usual. and that hand landed on my belly and started to caress the bump instead.

i looked at my empty hand and gave him a look that spelt calamity. he stopped caressing and gave me a look that said oh-shit.

the wait for the traffic seemed longer than usual. i slowly realised her royal majesty is now someone smaller than me. and KH probably wanted to get me to the office as quick as possible and make his great escape.

i have heard a lot of times that when baby comes, the husband will feel left out because all the attention of the wife will be on the child. no more 二人世界 after the arrival of baby. however, after this morning's bummer, i came to the sad realisation that there will still be 二人世界, excluding me that is. argh.

37 + 4

2007-05-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

that's how far i am into my pregnancy now. and according to my gynae, 37 months is considered full term.

i'm still trying to come to terms with that.

soon the days of:

miserable backaches

faithfully applying stretch marks cream every night

religiously obeying superstitions of not sticking anything, cutting anything on the bed, avoiding construction sites etc

avoiding raw foods and the 4 forbidden fish

will finally be over. and will give way to:

miserable sleepless nights

faithfully applying stretch marks removal cream every night

religiously obeying the mother-in-law's instructions and the child's cries

avoiding almost all foods except for those strictly for confinement

... ...

i'm not sure which is worse.

my belly skin...

2007-05-05T23:53:00.001+08:00

... feels like the shirt off the back of dr. banner as he transforms into the incredible hulk.

me dear sweet baby child will stretch real far out sometimes and test the limits of my belly skin. or poke her little toes into my ribs.

space seems like a real problem here for my 2.8 kg bundle and my stretch-marks laced belly. wonder if the little one would like to come out anytime soon?

some updates...

2007-04-22T12:23:00.000+08:00

... on how i've been doing so far:

1) finally bought some proper maternity underwear and nursing bras 2 weeks ago. amount spent was about $325 for 4 bras and 4 underwear. to be exact, it is $25.50 / underwear. they are the largest, most unsexy and expensive underwear i have ever bought. white with pink ribbons. i signed the bill with sorrow

2) bought our very first toy for child. it’s a giant chupa chups stuff toy with a bell in the lollipop. i really like it a lot cos as the moment, it’s like a representation of her. sometimes KH will shake the bell in front of my bump to her. it was really cute until he said it feels like he’s calling out vampires, with the bell going like that at night. we are bringing it to the delivery room as a form of encouragement. to me. maybe to her as well cos she might just react to the ringing and come out. thanks to KH for making such a cute thing so freaky

3) really into delifrance’s classic iced lemon tea and chicken crossiant sandwich these days. i’ve been having it every week. it’s good cos it’s healthier that hawker food (i assume), and it’s available everywhere. there’s even an express corner in some petrol kiosks. the only downside: KH is going to see delifrance in a different light soon... kekekeke...

so far so good

the very first thunderstorm

2007-03-16T21:33:00.000+08:00

around 5 a.m. in the morning last monday, i was startled awake by a loud clap of thunder. i wasn't afraid, i'm too old for such things.

however, my little one was not.

she started moving around vigourously. it didn't strike me that it was because of the thunder till the second loud clap came along. i thought it was kind of cute and i woke KH up. it was our very first attempt and trying to calm the little one. i think i'm kind of lousy at that, cos the most i did was just rub my bump and tried to say something so that she could calm down from the tone of my voice. KH was even worse, asking him to say something usually has the opposite effect. all he could do was rub my bump more vigourously and utter one worded phrases.

i read one from one of the numerous phamplets i received that around the 7th month, babies may respond to touch and may even jump in reaction to loud noises. how impeccable.

anyways, many more "firsts" to come. can't wait :)

what color shall it be?

2007-02-28T17:25:00.001+08:00

from my last post, we didn't know the gender of child yet, because the little one refused to open its legs.

it invited plenty of speculation. and because of the mounting suspense due to child's reluctance to open its legs (and twice at that).

anyways, there were many votes for a boy. these creative folks made their predictions from:

1) the shape of my tummy, cos it is quite sharp
2) my navel because it protrudes out proudly
3) how i look (although no one really told me in the face that i look uglier and have a bigger nose)
4) calculation of some weird formula of the EDD of child and our birth dates (i still don't know how it works)
5) the divination of the fortune teller down in holland village (he's gone missing now)

only one person said that child is a girl. and she even betted on it, against one of her friends.

well child, u defied all odds and proved everybody except one wrong! even i thought u were a boy, from the position in which u were made... haha... i must admit, i was a little upset when the nurse announced the "3 lines"

in anyways, pink or blue, u are still my sweet baby child... but i guess u have to put up with some of the blue rompers we have for u... haha

parking

2007-02-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

it's been quite a while...

2007-02-01T15:16:00.000+08:00

...since i've posted anything here, and quite a while since the "it's been quite a while" posts started.

it seems like drastic things happened everytime i make these posts. the last time i got a new job. this time round, i'm married and pregnant.

well, things happen. my 2 biggest fears came through in a span of 3 months. that's the lousy part is. the best part is, it's not as bad as i thought.

i'm not going to blog about how married life has been so far. instead, i've decided to keep a journal of my pregnancy. i hope that when child grows up and come across this, it'll be fascinated at what it did and did to me when it's still in me. that is, if i keep up on the postings.

plenty of "it" because the little teaser refused to opens it's legs the last time we went to the gynae. so child, if u don't want to be addressed like an animal, please cooperate when we visit dr tham's tomorrow.

i missed jotting down anything for the first 4 months, but it's never too late u know. besides, things only begin to get really interesting during the 2nd trimester. the first is just a lot of puking and plenty of toilet rituals. child, i don't want to bore u with these, u'll probably hear plenty of it whenever u piss me off anyway. haha.

i chanced upon this little piece of...

2006-05-20T15:51:00.000+08:00

...work i've written in the month of nov '03, and i thought it was pretty good. i just started my first real job and i was having a rough time. stuck right at home in the mire.

"I buckled in the office on Friday. It was the worst break downs I have ever had in the office. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t help it. I was just too tired.

Recently, I have lost all will to fight. It was just too tough for me. I have been hanging on for so long, but now I just feel there is nothing for me to hang on anymore. The FMP program seems too remote now, and I do not feel involved in the on-goings of the team, let alone the department. My boss and colleagues have all been very nice and encouraging, but they are the ones whom left me out of the discussions. Maybe I have not been proving myself capable of participating in the meetings, or maybe I am just taking it too personally.

I have to change my mindset, or else I will go crazy and lose out. Doreen is one good example. If I keep thinking this way, sooner or later, I will follow her footsteps and leave in a stain in my career and life. The environment is tough, but this is the ultimate test of my endurance. I have to win. I cannot quit. This will mean that I have lost. After all, I am doing all this, working so hard, to prove to the world that I can do it right? That I am just as capable, just as outstanding right? You know why?

Because I am a winner."

cute.

it spells innocence all over. i mean, what am i hoping for? to take part in discussions when i'm only 6 months into the job, a graduate fresh to the corporate world? anyways, i admire the spirit.

it feels like i was telling those treating me like dirt to watch my f*cking dust. haha.

it's been quite a while...

2006-04-22T14:57:00.000+08:00

... since i've posted anything here.

this was what had happened:

i've got a new job with a 20+% increment in monthly pay
i was given a new 15'' PowerBook, a Mighty Mouse and a 23'' Display to play with
i got a cube with high walls at the back of the dept
the cube is equipped with a printer within an arm's reach
i made a 28% gain on one of my stocks
i've removed about 15% of clutter from my room

if only the following hadn't happen as well:

the new job does not come with variable bonuses
i really would very much rather use the PC and Windows OS
the cube is not mine. it belongs to a guy with so much crap* i hardly have space to move my Mighty Mouse. i might just throw his stupid things** away
not to mention the printer taking up space, and people coming all the time to pick up their print jobs. i cannot surf or use my msn messenger
i made a 22% loss on another of my stocks
i spent about a week to remove that 15% and my room still looks as cluttered as ever

_______________________________

*rubbish found include: some food, a paper plate, 2 cans of tea leaves and a tree stem.

**after i sieve through for freebies. there's a very nice pair of earphones.

my fav emoticon...

2006-02-11T01:32:00.000+08:00

... is supposed to keep shaking it's head.

hmm... not sure how to get it to work

this is one of my fav emoticons

2006-02-11T01:26:00.000+08:00

it's been quite a while...

2006-02-04T01:08:00.000+08:00

... since i've posted anything here.

even my brother is walking fine already. he doesn't need his crutches anymore, but he can't do anything too strenous yet. sometimes i forget tho'. make him run after the bus or cross the road quickly cos there was a car coming.

well, to start the new year off, here are some highlights of the day:

went to lao yu sheng with the RA happy gang. the whole lunch cost 56 bucks per head. the yu sheng better work.
went to meeting room 2 to bua kiao. lost 2 bucks. Han the banker set the lousy rule of having the option to quit if his deal is 15 points.
my dear drove me back from work. i saw his sms wishing me happy 6th months' anniversary first thing in the morning. so sweet. only drawback is that he told me he went to get my valentine's day gift already. and since we won't meet each other on Sunday, i can probably do some shopping.

... ...

spoiler. but it's okie.

my brother is due for an operation...

2005-11-26T13:47:00.000+08:00

... for his broken ligaments in his legs on Dec 5. how i knew was through email sent by my father:

Operation is scheduled on the morning of 5 Dec 2005. Hospitalization stay is approx. 2 days. I am taking leave on the 5/12/2005 as I have to sign the deposit charge. We may require to take leave to settle his lunch after his discharge. Alternatively, I may ask my mother to assist.

formal email with with clear instructions to all. no casual addresses to me, my mom, my grandma and my brother. it was sent to my bro, cc-ed to me and my mom, with proper attachment of the documents. i'm sure if my grandma is tech-savvy enough, he'll keep her in the loop instead of calling her. he signed off with "best regards", along with full name, designation, and contacts.

i replied him my proposal to how to fetch my brother. he was in my room at that time.

cool. i always knew my family is a tad different from the regular ones.

goods news!!

2005-11-08T00:42:00.000+08:00

yesterday, one of the fools from HQ left our little family for another.

to commemorate this special day, i put together some of the conversations i have to put through with her:

#1: "11 months shipment is more that 12 months shipment"

me: and "FY05 Note" is the full year actuals?
the fool: not full year actuals, ABC is July forecast figures for full year supplied by C, others are Aug YTD multiplied by 12/11.
me: therefore "FY05 Note" is annualized?
the fool: yes
me: then how come the annualized figure is less than Aug YTD for ABC?
the fool: ABC is July forecast figures for full year supplied by C (she actually reiterated the point like i'm the fool)
me: oic... he just supplied 252K is it? which is less than330K, which is ABC's shipment up to Aug? (i'm mocking her)
the fool: during July forecast , yes. (it was already September, why she used an outdated forecast which did not make sense does not make sense to me either)

#2: "SEA task uploaded in system, but not in SEA"

me: regarding the change in plan from 5278K to 5223K
me: you mentioned that it was per K's email*
me: but per system, it is still 5278K
the fool: because, D asked me to adjust it in Asia Pacific task level*
me: since it is AP task, it won't be uploaded to the system?
the fool: it is uploaded to system, but just not in SEA. you know, SEA has 4 countries, how to allocate?
me: since it is only 55K out of 5278K, why not allocate proportionately? (actually i meant to say since it was only 55K, why waste time with a task? D's a fool too.)
the fool: I have to follow my boss' instructions*

#3: this is my favourite

the fool: Can I call you up now?
the fool: sorry, are u still there?
the fool: hello?

well, P, if you're reading this, you know i'm just playing. haha.

___________________________________
* blind followers doing things without understanding are also fools. but i must admit, it's pretty convenient. for queries you can't answer, just blame the boss.

faux pas - part ii

2005-11-01T16:38:00.000+08:00

this time the faux pas was not committed by me. it was my boss.

we were going through my performance review yesterday when he wanted to share something personal with me. he started off saying something like: "this is off the records. i'm sharing this with you as a fri..." before he stopped short and said "as a co-worker" instead.

hmm... i wonder how i should take this. i postulate:

1) he's the regional director, therefore it is necessary for someone his position not to get too personal with his direct reports.
2) he feels that there's no such thing as friendship in the office, therefore it will actually sound insincere to call me a friend.
3) friendship to him means much more, therefore the term "friend" is not to be used too loosely.
4) i'm female, he's male, therefore there no such thing as platonic friendships between opposite sexes.

i'm taking it too seriously... hahaha

life mysteries - "鱼圆" or "鱼丸"?

2005-10-30T11:34:00.000+08:00

i was walking back to my office after lunch one day when i noticed a fish ball noodle stall.

the stall's board wrote: "鱼丸麵".

the question: is it "鱼圆麵" or "鱼丸麵"?

faux pas - part i

2005-10-30T11:02:00.000+08:00

i made a faux pas yesterday, thanks to my lousy memory (again).

i noticed a 'batman begins' poster outside a vcd shop, and without thinking, i asked my boyfriend if he watched the movie before.

"huh?!?!?" he looked at me, appalled.

it was the very first movie we watched together.

the most dangerous fools are those who think they are not

2005-10-19T11:04:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i had an encounter with one.

i had difficulty breathing. i thought i was going to have a heart attack.

an approx. 5 min conversation with this fool shortens life considerably, units = days. and i tried to talk to him for almost 20 min. my time and life wasted on a fool.

the repercussions are unimaginable. i'm still thinking about it now.

aaargh.

i went to Beyond...

2005-10-16T14:23:00.000+08:00

...The Story Live 2005 concert yesterday. i don't really know much of their songs. i went to experience the mood, for fun, and it was the very last time they are performing as Beyond*.

during one part of the concert, in memory of Ka Kui, they showed a short excerpt of some appearances he made, but mostly of the things he said before.

some of his words that strike a chord in me are:

"to me, music is not entertainment. it has to be appreciated. music is an art."

and also,

"i can't imagine one day without music. i really can't imagine the world without music. without music, i would die. i would really die."

words from a person who had passion. his passion was so strong it lives till today. so strong i feel wrong using the past tense. and it is shared with the rest of band members and fans.

his passion moves me. because i have none. and because i've never met a person passionate about anything before. i trudged through my life doing what is expected of me. or to pursue materialistic things to match the monetary status of others. i say what i want to do without true conviction burning from the bottom of my heart. those are "dreams" i chased with "short-lived passion".

if i really have passion, it won't be short-lived.

____________________________________
*mostly because it was free

quote of the moment

2005-10-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

That's the penalty we have to pay for our acts of foolishness -- someone else always suffers for them. --- Alfred Sutro

bad customer service - part i*

2005-10-12T18:57:00.000+08:00

scenario:

last weekend, i went to a thai restaurant for dinner with my boyfriend. it was very crowded, so we had to queue.

we only waited for a while. soon, we were led to one of the tables. A waiter was still cleaning it with a cloth before laying the table. the waitress stood there with us.

while i was waiting, one of the waiter asked me to excuse him, indicating me to give way.

fool analysis:

fool #1: the waitress. she shouldn't have led us in while her co-worker was still cleaning the table. don't let your customers wait like fools, alongside with you.

fool #2: the waiter cleaning the table. he was made to join the ranks by the waitress. he shouldn't let us wait. he should clean faster, at approx. flash speed. and his butt was facing me. offensive. oh yes, and he made a remark. he asked the waitress why she was so eager to let us in. such remarks should not be heard by the customers. it degrades the team. also, she's eager to let us in cos she didn't want us to wait outside for long. the onus is on you, waiter. you should clean faster.

fool #3: the waiter who got excused by me. never ask your customer to give way. take another route. otherwise, don't say excuse me. i won't excuse you. maybe smile or say something friendly or apologetic. anything but ask me to excuse you in a deadpan tone, when i'm already standing there waiting for your fellow fool to finish cleaning the table, and feeling like a fool myself. therefore don't make it worse by making me feel like an obstacle as well.

______________________________________
*part i cos i foresee more to come. esp from a country like mine**, and especially from a consumer like me

**surprisingly, we were ranked 6th in the world for good customer service. i can't imagine what the rest of the world have to put up with

i started this blog to...

2005-10-09T15:54:00.000+08:00

... create a virtual dumping ground to air all my views, before i suffocate my mates. i still need them around to listen.

so there. fools@work.