like many of my other posts, i can't believe that it has been a year since i've last posted anything here. i briefly wonder if i should close down this blog for good.
in my defense, i've been really busy trying to spend quality time with the kids, while at the same time, trying to impress my boss at work.
when did this happen? hasn't my top priority always been my career?
there was one pivoting point:
i brought my 6 month old for his vaccine. the nurse asked some routine questions about his development. i find myself flustering and turning to my helper for most of the answers. they were simple questions like if he could pass something small from one hand to the other hand. when my helper said he could, i wondered why i hadn't noticed this achievement. i am his mother, but another woman knows him better than i do. feels like i am his mother only biologically.
i used to leave for work around 7:30 a.m. and was back only around 8 to 9 p.m. i seldom took leave. i have done crazier things like working during my maternity leave (including going back to the office) as well as consider bringing my laptop to the delivery ward (KH gave me the ultimatum).
i decided to do something about being the missing parent. my kids' childhood days are never going to come back, and KH has made it clear that it is insane to have another kid just because i want to re-live the experience of having a baby, and in a way, make up for lost time.
so here you go. i am still a full time working mom, but i guess i'll just have to work harder on the "mom" part of it.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Thursday, September 02, 2010
time is scientific, yet so abstract
i wrote one of my previous posts when i was 4 weeks and 4 days to delivery. today, i'm writing this when my boy is 3 weeks and 2 days old. all units are in either weeks or days. such small time units. soon in another few more days, i can start using the unit "month" when stating his age. the time from being pregnant till today, with him so tiny and cute besides me, feels so surreal.
before i gave birth, whenever i look at LX's hands and feet, i always marvel at how little they are. i never realized how much they have grown, until i saw at my newborn's hands and feet.
i feel myself trying to capture and keep every single moment, but it's impossible. time will still fly by methodically, almost relentlessly, and i will find myself asking the same question: "where has all the time gone"?
since it's a futile attempt to cling on to every moment, i guess i can only treasure every single one.
before i gave birth, whenever i look at LX's hands and feet, i always marvel at how little they are. i never realized how much they have grown, until i saw at my newborn's hands and feet.
i feel myself trying to capture and keep every single moment, but it's impossible. time will still fly by methodically, almost relentlessly, and i will find myself asking the same question: "where has all the time gone"?
since it's a futile attempt to cling on to every moment, i guess i can only treasure every single one.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
the wait is going to be over soon
"i realized that i could really start counting down to d-day. 4 weeks and 4 days left. and if i'm right about being early, i could be just 2 weeks away. why not? our boy's head is already resting comfortably (?) on my pelvic, and occasionally, i will either feel the false contractions, or the sharp pain in my cervix.
anyways let's just do away with the assumption about being early and stick to the theoretical date. therefore i'm into the last month of my pregnancy career. being me, i'm starting to feel sentimental about it, and since i was advised to keep some sort of journal as a memento for my kid about my pregnancy journey, this would be a good time to start. i've made a resolution to do this every day, but then again, let's see how long i can keep up.
yesterday, we went to the temple to pray. my mil also needed to buy the confinement herbs for me, and i also needed to buy the replacement parts for the medela breast pumps that adel loaned me. after that, we went for this hotshot steamboat place which dear was very passionate about, then we headed home.
like many weekends, we went home with tonnes of things. sometimes it strikes me that every weekend, we are adding more stuff in our home than removing. it's not rocket science that stuff in our house are piling up. with me being a hoarder, it's definitely hard for me to remove. fortunately, i can't stand clutter as well. usually the sentimental hoarder prevails, but when the clear the clutter me stands out, i sure make use of the chance to clean out.
i will pick a big bag, because the environmentalist in me will ensure that it gets filled up. then i'll start the painful process of decision making. sigh. at the end of the whole process, i feel good, as long i don't think about what i threw away, and i won't remember a few days later. this process continued till the next day, while i cleared personal backlog.
dear had the light bulb changed, i had asked him to ask deserie to put her luggage into our "storeroom", we put hooks behind the door for her to hang her clothes, i packed our shoe cabinet and came up with an excellent idea for a customized shoe cabinet"
today is 2nd of september, and i realized that i had the above saved as draft all along, since april, but given the part about 4 weeks left, i think i actually wrote this around july, then saved it again. after reading it now, i am not sure how i wanted to end it, and what the whole point of the post was about. i even forgot about it. very typical of preggie me. so much for keeping "some sort of journal as a memento for my kid about my pregnancy journey". but hey, at least i did write something.
my mentor and fat ole me, in universal studios, and just a few weeks to d-day.. ha
anyways let's just do away with the assumption about being early and stick to the theoretical date. therefore i'm into the last month of my pregnancy career. being me, i'm starting to feel sentimental about it, and since i was advised to keep some sort of journal as a memento for my kid about my pregnancy journey, this would be a good time to start. i've made a resolution to do this every day, but then again, let's see how long i can keep up.
yesterday, we went to the temple to pray. my mil also needed to buy the confinement herbs for me, and i also needed to buy the replacement parts for the medela breast pumps that adel loaned me. after that, we went for this hotshot steamboat place which dear was very passionate about, then we headed home.
like many weekends, we went home with tonnes of things. sometimes it strikes me that every weekend, we are adding more stuff in our home than removing. it's not rocket science that stuff in our house are piling up. with me being a hoarder, it's definitely hard for me to remove. fortunately, i can't stand clutter as well. usually the sentimental hoarder prevails, but when the clear the clutter me stands out, i sure make use of the chance to clean out.
i will pick a big bag, because the environmentalist in me will ensure that it gets filled up. then i'll start the painful process of decision making. sigh. at the end of the whole process, i feel good, as long i don't think about what i threw away, and i won't remember a few days later. this process continued till the next day, while i cleared personal backlog.
dear had the light bulb changed, i had asked him to ask deserie to put her luggage into our "storeroom", we put hooks behind the door for her to hang her clothes, i packed our shoe cabinet and came up with an excellent idea for a customized shoe cabinet"
today is 2nd of september, and i realized that i had the above saved as draft all along, since april, but given the part about 4 weeks left, i think i actually wrote this around july, then saved it again. after reading it now, i am not sure how i wanted to end it, and what the whole point of the post was about. i even forgot about it. very typical of preggie me. so much for keeping "some sort of journal as a memento for my kid about my pregnancy journey". but hey, at least i did write something.
my mentor and fat ole me, in universal studios, and just a few weeks to d-day.. ha
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
it's been quite a while...
...and now i'm adding to my "it's been quite a while" collection again, despite proclaiming in the earlier post with the same title that "the next post will not share the same title as this one". well, technically, the next post didn't share the same title. haha.
agrh, i'm just making excuses for myself. i'm dangerously falling into the patten of blogging only in august, march and august, and therefore before february ends, i thought i should post something.
between then and now, quite a few things happened, but i will just narrow it down to one for this post.
my little one started school on Jan 4!! the event and exclamation marks should trigger excitement, but it was more agonizing than anything else for me and LX.
even before school started, we needed prep work for LX. we gave her lots of pep talks:
big girl talk: "Le Xuan is a big girl now, so she must be brave to be in school on her own, without mommy and daddy okay? okay?? being brave means no crying like a baby, okay? OKAY??"
show the perks: "school would be so FUN!! there are lots of toys and activities like drawing to do!!" and of course the biggest perk of all: "there's a very BIG PLAYGROUND in school!!"
we even offered incentives: "mommy will bring you for some ice-cream after class okay?"
all points needed persistent reiteration. the first two from me to her, and the last one from her to me. whatever it took to work. we kept our fingers crossed.
finally, the big week came. i took morning leave from the office for the whole week. for the first two days LX didn't cry, and she tried out most of the activities that were laid out at the table. encouraging. but i think it was because i was allowed to sit in one corner of the class, and the entire session was only 45 minutes for both days. she would often stop what she was doing for a while to cast glances in my direction to make sure i was still around.
the third day was the challenge, as i was no longer allowed to sit in class. to up-size the challenge, LX scrapped her knee on the way to school. therefore before we even arrived, LX was already crying on top of her lungs. we made a dramatic entrance with me carrying her and rushing into school, screaming for antiseptic and plaster. after her knee was taken care of, class proceeded. LX cried through out the whole session. she was the only one crying. it was so bad that one teacher had to carry her throughout, and to make up for the lost headcount, they roped in another teacher into the class. i took comfort that the class was only 45 minutes too, and that her wails didn't invite any sympathetic crying from the other kids.
on day 4, LX came down with a temperature and didn't make it to school. day 3 must have been really bad.
we went back to school on day 5, and this round was the full session. the folks were also not allowed to wait inside the school to watch, so all of us either hanged around in the lobby area, or went out for walks. it was an agonizing wait for me (3 hours!!) and the first 4 days had taken their toll on me. i was pale with morning sickness and probably frothing at the mouth as i slumped on the same bench the whole time. one kind mom even offered to walk across the street to get me a bottled drink.
finally i could start counting down when the door creaked open. the deputy administrator's head poked out and she signaled only for me to go in. an ominous feeling of doom loomed. she asked me about LX's scrapped knee and hastily tried to explain something to me. it was kinda incoherent and i lost interest when i recognized LX's cries. doom was an understatement. LX fell down at the playground and scrapped the same spot. we made a dramatic exit with me carrying her and rushing home.
this sums up the whole week of school, but it wasn't over. LX complained constantly about her knee, refused to bathe because the water would sting the wound, showed her plastered knee to anyone who cared to listen, and then the next week, she fell of the top of the steps in the playground (again). memorable.
but as usual, i should end off on a happy note. here's the picture of her enjoying her $21.90 treat:
agrh, i'm just making excuses for myself. i'm dangerously falling into the patten of blogging only in august, march and august, and therefore before february ends, i thought i should post something.
between then and now, quite a few things happened, but i will just narrow it down to one for this post.
my little one started school on Jan 4!! the event and exclamation marks should trigger excitement, but it was more agonizing than anything else for me and LX.
even before school started, we needed prep work for LX. we gave her lots of pep talks:
all points needed persistent reiteration. the first two from me to her, and the last one from her to me. whatever it took to work. we kept our fingers crossed.
finally, the big week came. i took morning leave from the office for the whole week. for the first two days LX didn't cry, and she tried out most of the activities that were laid out at the table. encouraging. but i think it was because i was allowed to sit in one corner of the class, and the entire session was only 45 minutes for both days. she would often stop what she was doing for a while to cast glances in my direction to make sure i was still around.
the third day was the challenge, as i was no longer allowed to sit in class. to up-size the challenge, LX scrapped her knee on the way to school. therefore before we even arrived, LX was already crying on top of her lungs. we made a dramatic entrance with me carrying her and rushing into school, screaming for antiseptic and plaster. after her knee was taken care of, class proceeded. LX cried through out the whole session. she was the only one crying. it was so bad that one teacher had to carry her throughout, and to make up for the lost headcount, they roped in another teacher into the class. i took comfort that the class was only 45 minutes too, and that her wails didn't invite any sympathetic crying from the other kids.
on day 4, LX came down with a temperature and didn't make it to school. day 3 must have been really bad.
we went back to school on day 5, and this round was the full session. the folks were also not allowed to wait inside the school to watch, so all of us either hanged around in the lobby area, or went out for walks. it was an agonizing wait for me (3 hours!!) and the first 4 days had taken their toll on me. i was pale with morning sickness and probably frothing at the mouth as i slumped on the same bench the whole time. one kind mom even offered to walk across the street to get me a bottled drink.
finally i could start counting down when the door creaked open. the deputy administrator's head poked out and she signaled only for me to go in. an ominous feeling of doom loomed. she asked me about LX's scrapped knee and hastily tried to explain something to me. it was kinda incoherent and i lost interest when i recognized LX's cries. doom was an understatement. LX fell down at the playground and scrapped the same spot. we made a dramatic exit with me carrying her and rushing home.
this sums up the whole week of school, but it wasn't over. LX complained constantly about her knee, refused to bathe because the water would sting the wound, showed her plastered knee to anyone who cared to listen, and then the next week, she fell of the top of the steps in the playground (again). memorable.
but as usual, i should end off on a happy note. here's the picture of her enjoying her $21.90 treat:
Monday, August 03, 2009
my visit to the doctor
loaded... sausage... what goes in must come out... purge...
believe it or not but these are the words used by my doctor to describe my diagnosis when i visited him for the first time last saturday. the night before, i started having cramps in my stomach. the pain came in regular sharp bursts and it got so bad that i woke up from sleep groaning in misery. fearing it was a bad case of food poisoning, KH solemnly declared that we cancel all plans to see the doctor first thing in the morning.
the visit to the doctor's turned out to be less grim than it seems... at least to KH:
- after describing my symptoms and answering some of his questions, the doctor revealed that it was not food poisoning, just that i was "fecal-ly loaded". KH let out a laugh. The doctor politely asked if KH was my husband.
- i was sent to the examination bed, and the doctor commenced to press around my abdomen. he narrowed his search to the lower left side of my tummy and confirmed that he could feel a "sausage" there. KH let out another laugh. i gave him the shit eye.
- after he was done with the check, we went back to our seats. the doctor told me that if i did not gain weight, as it only make sense that "what went in, must come out". i mentioned that i did not feel the urge everyday. KH eagerly gave an unasked for comment to back that claim up. the doctor then started giving me advices on what to eat to encourage the movement, and said that i must make it a daily affair to "purge".
finally, i was diagnosed as having "abdominal irritations from bacteria due to fecal build up in the digestive tract". in other words, i was full of shit and it was stinking up my whole system. i left the clinic with little medication and one action item. KH left the clinic getting a kick out of my diagnosis and from me.
my own diagnosis? i am definitely going to make this guy my regular doctor.
believe it or not but these are the words used by my doctor to describe my diagnosis when i visited him for the first time last saturday. the night before, i started having cramps in my stomach. the pain came in regular sharp bursts and it got so bad that i woke up from sleep groaning in misery. fearing it was a bad case of food poisoning, KH solemnly declared that we cancel all plans to see the doctor first thing in the morning.
the visit to the doctor's turned out to be less grim than it seems... at least to KH:
- after describing my symptoms and answering some of his questions, the doctor revealed that it was not food poisoning, just that i was "fecal-ly loaded". KH let out a laugh. The doctor politely asked if KH was my husband.
- i was sent to the examination bed, and the doctor commenced to press around my abdomen. he narrowed his search to the lower left side of my tummy and confirmed that he could feel a "sausage" there. KH let out another laugh. i gave him the shit eye.
- after he was done with the check, we went back to our seats. the doctor told me that if i did not gain weight, as it only make sense that "what went in, must come out". i mentioned that i did not feel the urge everyday. KH eagerly gave an unasked for comment to back that claim up. the doctor then started giving me advices on what to eat to encourage the movement, and said that i must make it a daily affair to "purge".
finally, i was diagnosed as having "abdominal irritations from bacteria due to fecal build up in the digestive tract". in other words, i was full of shit and it was stinking up my whole system. i left the clinic with little medication and one action item. KH left the clinic getting a kick out of my diagnosis and from me.
my own diagnosis? i am definitely going to make this guy my regular doctor.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
LX will be so proud of us
today is one of the special days of the year, and i must say, i am not exactly thrilled at clocking in on my chronological timeline. therefore to spice things up a little, i brought these home from the office:
they were originally meant for LX for my own amusement, but after some chasing around and cold hard stares from KH, i dropped the idea.
but KH, being the nice daddy and hubby he is, wanting to save his daughter from looking stupid but not disappoint the wife who likes to do stupid things, decided to sacrifice himself. what a great hubby, looking great with that hair style. he even managed to look happy in those pictures (yes, he actually sat through for more than one... eight to be exact). i had wanted him to pose, like combing his "hair", or looking suave but i think it is a better idea not to push my luck too far. but surprise surprise! he even allowed me to post this pic! hahaha...
...my dear child, when you are older and see this pic, i hope you would still be proud of your crazy folks!
they were originally meant for LX for my own amusement, but after some chasing around and cold hard stares from KH, i dropped the idea.
but KH, being the nice daddy and hubby he is, wanting to save his daughter from looking stupid but not disappoint the wife who likes to do stupid things, decided to sacrifice himself. what a great hubby, looking great with that hair style. he even managed to look happy in those pictures (yes, he actually sat through for more than one... eight to be exact). i had wanted him to pose, like combing his "hair", or looking suave but i think it is a better idea not to push my luck too far. but surprise surprise! he even allowed me to post this pic! hahaha...
...my dear child, when you are older and see this pic, i hope you would still be proud of your crazy folks!
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